I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
