Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
