I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
