just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
