I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
