A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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