Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
