YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
