A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
