You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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