This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
