it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
