Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
