I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
