Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
