You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
