If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
