Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
