I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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