I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
