i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
