My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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