the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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