Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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