"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
