It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
