i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
