Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
