Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
