Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
