there's paper in my vomit.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
