his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
