The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
