Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Randomize
