Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
