Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
