I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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