you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Mom said you looked used
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
