Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Randomize
