sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
