3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
