youre lurking in front of me
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Can I color on your dick again?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
