I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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