He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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