i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
