I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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