i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
