i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
