Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I FOUND THE LEGS
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
