Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
