How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
