she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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