puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
