i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
