I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
