i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
