you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
